I am praying for you. I will risk a few quotes from Job and my commnets:
And the LORD said to Satan, "Have you considered My servant Job? For there is no one like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, fearing God and turning away from evil" (Job 1:
. My comment: God allowed Satan to treat Job the way he did because He was proud of Job (not mad at him). Suffering was a badge of honor. I assume God is proud of you, too.
Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head, and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD." Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God (Job 1:20-22).
[Job said,] "And as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, And at the last He will take His stand on the earth. Even after my skin is destroyed, Yet from my flesh I shall see God; Whom I myself shall behold, And whom my eyes shall see and not another. My heart faints within me" (Job 19:25-27). My comment: Trust what you know is true, not what things feel like at the moment.
Hang in there.