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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 09:33 PM Thread Starter
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Oil Change Instructions

Oil Change Instruction....




Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle. Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00



Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of
taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil
on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in
the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang
knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit
Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
But you know the job was done right.


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<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: fast67ford on 7/19/05 9:33am ]</font>
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 09:36 PM
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Oil Change Instructions

Ya skipped a step....

Insert: Drive back to autoparts store to exchange incorrect oil filter for correct filter.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 09:48 PM Thread Starter
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Oil Change Instructions

Oil Change Instruction....




Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle. Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00



Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of
taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil
on you in process.
12) Clean up mess.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Look for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
16) Beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
Finish oil change tomorrow.
18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) try Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
coat of oil to gasket surface but find out that you have bought the wrong one and Drive back to autoparts store to exchange incorrect oil filter for correct filter.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in
the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30) Drink beer.
31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang
knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit
Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Make bail.
50) Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $25.00
Total-- $4150.00
But you know the job was done right.



_________________


<font size=-1>[ This Message was edited by: fast67ford on 7/19/05 9:49am ]</font>
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 09:52 PM Thread Starter
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Oil Change Instructions

sweet is perfect, i can't believe i almost forgot one
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 09:54 PM
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Oil Change Instructions

There ya go!!! Nice job!! Personally, I would have added the wandering around the parts store looking at various worthless doo-dads and waxes and stuff for about two hours, too, but that's just me....
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 10:12 PM
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Oil Change Instructions

I just play bitch &amp; pay someone...




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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-18-2005, 10:27 PM
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Location: Pullman, WA
Posts: 2,617
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Oil Change Instructions

That's great! However I DO have a problem with this part:

Quote:
On 2005-07-18 21:33, fast67ford wrote:
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
maintained vehicle. Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Total $21.00
Jiffy/Quickie/whatever Lube never does all the lubing/maintenance they SHOULD, the few times I've taken my Bronco to the quick lube they've always missed at LEAST 2 u-joints and a couple ball joints, but other than that I find your story very factual

'97 F250HD 4x4 460; '85 Ranger, 350hp 289, T5, [email protected]
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it. Albert Einstein
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2005, 08:13 AM
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Posts: 1,851
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Oil Change Instructions

O K who was watching me change my oil and writing all of this down. Dang spys are everywhere.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2005, 12:44 PM
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Posts: 2,424
Oil Change Instructions

I have to agree with Motorhead.. They are incompadent with the newer cars having sealed everything the kids just don't know about the maintance of older cars and trucks.
Tim

64 International 4dr. truck w/466 14.5 1/4 @ 93 mph.
http://i82.photobucket.com/albums/j272/pedal2themetal45/64%20international%20build/mytruckatrockies.jpg
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-19-2005, 12:51 PM
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Oil Change Instructions

Thanks for the good memory!
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