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A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *you* were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!"
 

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or this?

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"
 

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Neither one of those has happened to me...lately! I chase after organized alien smugglers - kind of like "Men in Black"!

A couple of inside jokes:

A Mountie gets posted out to the back end of beyond. Since he looks so dashing in his scarlet tunic, he has managed to entice one of the local lovelies into the back seat of his police car for a little amourous dalliance. Having been well-trained in Regina, he had hung his tunic up in the car while he was "occupied".

Afterward, in the post-coital glow, his new friend asked him about some of the badges on his uniform. He told her that the stars were for length of service, one for every five years, and the crossed rifles and revolvers were for gunnery.

She said, "Well, that's not fair. I've had 'gunnery' for a long time, and I never got any badge!"



Three government agencies were tasked with investigating a patch of brush to see what the rabbits were up to.

The CIA set up electronic surveillance, interviewed everyone who came out of the woods, and had NSA make satellite passes over it. They never detected any rabbits, so they put in a report saying there were none.

The FBI dressed up a couple of agents in rabbit costumes and infiltrated the patch of brush. In their attempt to get close to the rabbits, they accidently set the woods on fire, causing a great deal of death and destruction. They put in a report saying the whole thing was caused by the rabbits who deserved it in any case.

The LAPD sent in a couple of patrolmen who grabbed the first raccoon they saw and beat it until it confessed to being the rabbit.



True story - excuse for speeding

A man was stopped for speeding. He had been rushing to get home because his wife was in labour and he had to get her to the hospital. Being understandably a little flustered, what he said to the cop was "My wife is getting pregnant and I want to be there when it happens!"


I got a million of 'em! Don't get me started, you'll probably regret it!
 
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