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1,264 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Oil Change Instruction....

  1. Oil Change Instructions for Women:
    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
    since the last oil change.
    2) Drink a cup of coffee.
    3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly
    maintained vehicle. Money spent:
    Oil Change $20.00
    Coffee $ 1.00
    Total $21.00
    Oil Change Instructions for Men:
    1) Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for
    oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
    2) Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of
    taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
    3) Open a beer and drink it.
    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7) Place drain pan under engine.
    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10) Unscrew drain plug.
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil
    on you in process.
    12) Clean up mess.
    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14) Look for oil filter wrench.
    15) Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
    16) Beer.
    17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.
    Finish oil change tomorrow.
    18) Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
    19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
    21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
    22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin
    coat of oil to gasket surface.
    23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
    25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    26) Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in
    the back yard, along with drain plug.
    27) Drink beer.
    28) Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
    29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
    30) Drink beer.
    31) Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang
    knuckles on frame.
    32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
    33) Begin cussing fit.
    34) Throw wrench.
    35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit
    Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
    36) Beer.
    37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as
    required to stop blood flow.
    38) Beer.
    39) Beer.
    40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
    41) Beer.
    42) Lower car from jack stands.
    43) Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
    44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to
    fresh oil spilled during step 23.
    45) Beer.
    46) Test drive car.
    47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    48) Car gets impounded.
    49) Make bail.
    50) Get car from impound yard.
    Money spent:
    Parts $50.00
    DUI $2500.00
    Impound fee $75.00
    Bail $1500.00
    Beer $25.00
    Total-- $4150.00
    But you know the job was done right.

77 Posts
haha, just changed my oil the other day, positioned the pan too far away and when flow slowed down...i got a driveway full of oil.

only time i wish i was old enough to buy beer is when im workin on a car.

speaking of which i need to buy kitty litter. people at the hardware store probably wonder why i only have a cat every 3000 miles haha.


307 Posts
Last time I changed my oil I was recovering from the flu so I took It to one of these quik lube places and they wanted $30.00 to do the job, I waited until i felt better and did it myself ,but I don't always have as much trouble as that guy did. J.D

1,125 Posts
Wow, I couldn't stop laughing reading this. But I say forget the hole in the backyard and fill bottles of juice w/ the old oil so your garbage man doesn't think twice about throwing it into the truck.

1,264 Posts
Discussion Starter #6
Well as for the old oil use it in ya shop heater . Put a metel bucket above the heater with a turn off/on valve . Makes great fire starter as well extra heat by burnning it . I built a shop for a junk yard few months ago . He has a very large drum outside that he pours all used oil in . Keeps shop very warm .
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